Here's a few (mostly ultra-short) that I won. Names anonymised to protect the guilty:
Game 1
[Date "1995"][Result "1-0"][ECO "C32"][PlyCount "13"]1. e4 e5 2. f4 d5 3. exd5 e4 4. d3 Nf6 5. dxe4 Nxe4 6. Nf3 Bb4+ 7. c3 1-0
Game 2
[Date "1999"][Result "1-0"][ECO "A02"][PlyCount "11"]1. f4 f5 2. Nf3 h6 3. e4 fxe4 4. Ne5 d5 5. Qh5+ g6 6. Qxg6#
1-0
Game 3
[Date "2002"][Result "1-0"][ECO "A00"][PlyCount "11"]1. g4 d5 2. Bg2 Bxg4 3. c4 c6 4. cxd5 cxd5 5. Qb3 e6 6. Qa4+ 1-0
Game 4
[Date "2002.12.12"][Result "0-1"][ECO "C47"][PlyCount "42"]1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Nc3 Nf6 4. d4 exd4 5. Nxd4 Bb4 6. Nxc6 bxc6 7. f3? d5 8. exd5? O-O 9. Bd2 Re8+ 10. Ne2 Bc5 11. Bg5 Ne4! 12. fxe4
Qxg5 13. Qd3 Rb8 14. b3 cxd5 15. Qg3 Qf6 16. Rd1 Rxe4 17. Rxd5 Bb4+ 18. Kd1 Bg4 19. c3 Bxc3 20. Qxc7 Rbe8 21. Rc5 Qd4+ 0-1
Game 5
[Date "2002"][Result "0-1"][ECO "B02"][PlyCount "18"]1. e4 d5 2. exd5 Nf6 3. Nc3 Nxd5 4. Nge2 Nc6 5. g3 Bg4 6. Bg2 Nd4 7. Bxd5 Qxd5 8. Nxd5 Nf3+ 9. Kf1 Bh3#
Game 6
[Date "2008"][Result "1-0"][ECO "A50"][PlyCount "27"]1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 Nc6 3. Nf3 d5 4. cxd5 Qxd5 5. Nc3 Qd8 6. e4 Bg4 7. d5 Ne5 8. Nxe5 Bxd1 9. Bb5+ c6 10. dxc6 Ba4 11. Bxa4 Qb8 12. c7+ b5 13. Nxb5 Qc8 14. Nd6#
Game 7
[Date "2005"][Result "0-1"][ECO "C48"][PlyCount "36"]1. e4 Nf6 2. Nc3 e5 3. Nf3 Nc6 4. Bb5 Bc5 5. Bxc6 dxc6 6. Nxe5 Bd4 7. Nd3 O-O 8. e5 Re8 9. f4 Bg4 10. Ne2 Ne4 11. h3 Qh4+ 12. Kf1 Ng3+ 13. Nxg3 Bxd1 14. Nf5 Qd8 15. g4 Bxc2 16. Nb4 Bxf5 17. gxf5 Qh4 18. Rh2 Qxf4+ 0-1
Game 8
[Date "2002"][Result "0-1"][ECO "B02"][PlyCount "26"]1. e4 Nf6 2. e5 Nd5 3. b3 d6 4. Bb2 Bf5 5. Qf3 e6 6. c4 Nb4 7. Na3 N8c6 8. d4 dxe5 9. dxe5 Nd4 10. Bxd4 Qxd4 11. Rd1 Qxe5+ 12. Qe3 Qa5 13. Qd2 Nd3+ 0-1
Game 9
[Date "2004"][Result "1-0"][ECO "D20"][PlyCount "35"]1. d4 d5 2. c4 dxc4 3. e4 e6 4. Bxc4 Nc6 5. Nf3 Nf6 6. Nc3 Bb4 7. Bg5 h6 8. Bxf6 Qxf6 9. O-O O-O 10. e5 Qd8 11. Qd3 Na5 12. Bb5 c6 13. Ba4 f5 14. exf6 Qxf6 15. Bc2 Qf5 16. Qe2 Qf7 17. Ne5 Qe8 18. Qe4 1-0
1, 4, 7, 8 and 9 were formal longplay graded games, 2, 3 and 5 were less formal or at a shorter time control, 6 I was sans voir.
I also had the old 1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 d6 3. c3 Nf6 4. Be2 Nxe4 5. Qa4+ in no less than four ECF graded games, although they all dragged on for at least another desultory ten moves. Shame I don't play 1. e4 any more! Perhaps not, though. After one of the games, my opponent actually asked me if I would like to step outside, an invitation which, under the circumstances, I declined.
I also once had the 1. d4 d5 2. c4 e6 3. Nc3 Nf6 4. Bg5 Nbd7 5. cxd5 exd5 6. Nxd5 Nxd5 7. Bxd8 Bb4+ chestnut, but that was between two rubbish juniors.
Perhaps the funniest one which I have had twice in graded games is 1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e5 3. dxe5 Ng4 4. e3 Nc6?? (on autopilot) 5. Qxg4...
One of my most embarrassing losses was in a rapidplay to John Hodgson, see the following shambles:
[Date "2004"][White "McKeown, Paul"][Black "Hodgson, John H"][Result "0-1"][ECO "D80"][PlyCount "26"]1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. Nc3 d5 4. Bg5 Ne4 5. Nxe4 dxe4 6. e3 Bg7 7. Qc2 c5 8. d5 Qa5+ 9. Kd1 O-O 10. Bxe7 Re8 11. Bh4 Bd7 12. Kc1 Ba4 13. Qd2 Bxb2+ 0-1
Another absurd game I once lost was the following league game against Ian Snape. I had completely forgotten about it, until I did a search through my personal DB.
[Event "London League Div. 2"][Date "2007.03.21"][White "Snape, Ian"][Black "McKeown, Paul"][Result "1-0"][ECO "A18"][PlyCount "33"]1. c4 Nf6 2. Nc3 e6 3. e4 d5 4. e5 Ne4 5. Nf3 Nxc3 6. dxc3 Be7 7. Qc2 c6 8. h4 h6 9. Bf4 dxc4 10. Bxc4 b5 11. Be2 Bb7 12. h5 Nd7 13. Rd1 Qc7 14. Rh3 a6 15. Rg3 Kf8? 16. Nd4 Kg8?? 17. Nxe6 1-0
And here's how to throw a very decent position away with a stereotypical self-trap of one's queen:
[Event "London League Div. 1"][Date "2004.11.10"][White "McCall, Martin"][Black "McKeown, Paul"][Result "1-0"][ECO "B03"][PlyCount "37"]1. e4 Nf6 2. e5 Nd5 3. d4 d6 4. Bc4 c6 5. Nf3 Bg4 6. Nc3 e6 7. exd6 Nxc3 8.
bxc3 Bxd6 9. O-O Nd7 10. h3 Bh5 11. Re1 O-O 12. Qe2 Qf6?? 13. g4 1-0
I struggled on for another five moves before launching my king across the room
(joking)
Think I've probably bored everyone enough, so I'll stop there!