Chess Limericks

[Francis Fields]

I once played the anti Meran
Of this opening I was a fan
The game got complicated
With the theory I knew out dated
and ended up an also-ran

[David Sedgwick]

How about "beneficiary" instead of "recipient"?

No, no, and thrice no!

I despair. Why do people, by no means just David Sedgwick, have such a tin ear for metre - for even for rhythm? 'Beneficiary' is a hexasyllable composed of an anapest and, arguably, a dactyl. It would make a butchery of most lines of verse. You might just make it work by elision (slurring):

Beneficiary David Sedgwick ...but that loses 'award' of course

All right, you win. But I'd prefer "winner" to "winning". Edit: but see below.

Final version (I hope):

Award winning David Sedgwick
Was regarded by some as a brick
But divers were those
Who chose to oppose
Miles used to call him a prick

I trust that David has not lost his award, already.

If I have, it won't be because of the limericks.

[David Robertson]

All right, you win. But I'd prefer "winner" to "winning"

Either works metrically. But there's a difference.

If I wanted my poem to sound like an announcement from the local Rotary Club, I'd use "Award winner"

But if I wanted my poem to sound like a poem, I'd use "Award-winning".

Why? Because a poem should try to rhyme all along the line, not just line-by-line. Here, the "in-in" of 'winning' achieves that.

Listen (sic) to how Dante does it - easier in Italian than English, but nevertheless...

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
Mi ritrovai in una selva oscura
Che la diritta via ero smarrita

Note the internal rhymes 'nel/del' in line 1; and 'diritta/smarrita' in line 3

We can't be as musical in our verse as Dante. But we can be alert to what we're trying to achieve when we compose verse, even a limerick.

Hence, far, very far from Dante, listen to the sounds generated by this famous limerick. The sounds and internal rhymes amplify the comic effect:

While Titian was mixing rose madder
His model posed nude on a ladder
Her position to Titian
Resembled coition
So he ran up the ladder and 'ad her

[David Sedgwick]

Okay, I concede again. See the edit above.

The line "Who chose to oppose" was composed with your point in mind.

[David Robertson]

Yes, excellent. I missed that nice choice of words

[Kevin Williamson]

The thread started off as light-hearted,
but the fun has long since departed.
If layman’s your speak,
you’re exposed as word-weak.
And the wordsmiths will leave you outsmarted.

[Alistair Campbell]

So, would Cowdenbeath be an example of an anapest? What about Dunfermline? An amphibrach perhaps?

Yes, to both. So now we can get to work.

First, a trimeter of amphibrachs

There was a young wife from Dunfermline

I'll leave the second line to you

Then we can switch to anapests in lines 3 and 4

For the lad underneath
Came from Cowdenbeath

I have a final line. But this is a family forum

There aren't many words which rhyme with Dunfermline. (And I don't think I've found any, to be honest...). So this is the best I can do for now. (Not only am I late in handing in the assignment, but I've ignored some of the constraints... )

There was a young bride from Dunfermline
Who favoured an outrageous hemline
Said her groom through grit' teeth
"This is not Cowdenbeath
Your dress length should follow the trendline"

[David Robertson]

Interesting. So you rhyme the syllable 'line' in Dunfermline with 'sign', not 'sin'?

[Alistair Campbell]

Interesting. So you rhyme the syllable 'line' in Dunfermline with 'sign', not 'sin'?

Well, no I don't actually. No-one does, outside of desperate attempts to make it rhyme....

[David Robertson]

Rhymes for Dunfermline are hard to find. But if a rhyme can be found for 'Birmingham' - and it can - then most things are possible. OK, here's my 'Dunfermline' attempt, suitably laced with innuendo and double-entendre; and, with a nod to Edward Lear, a bit of nonsense too

There was a young lass from Dunfermline
Heard sounds down below most concernin'
Said the lad underneath
"Och", I'm from Cowdenbeath
And they'll cease once my worm has done squirmin'

[NickFaulks]

The victories of Grandmaster Crisan
left some people deep in suspicion.
Well, it's been fourteen years,
but at last he's in tears
when he looks at his profile's condition.

https://ratings.fide.com/card.phtml?event=1201271

[John McKenna]

There was a chess poet called Francis
Who was good at taking his chances.
In a team he could play
If he brooked no delay
And let the club know what his stance is.

[Simon Brown]

'Tis National Limerick Day
So let all the poets display
Their wit and their puns
But please don't post ones
Which have too many syllables in the last line and don't scan properly.

[David Robertson]

The matter was settled up-thread
Where the Gaelic experts have said
That it's not 'lim-er-ick'
Instead 'lim-rick' you pick
So your first line won't scan, prop'ly read

( )

[John McKenna]

On National Limerick Day
Francis returned to the fray.
He posted a line
That scanned just fine,
'Til he hit an H, not an A.