Best excuses

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Kevin Thurlow
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Best excuses

Post by Kevin Thurlow » Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:34 pm

Overheard at 4NCL - A player claimed that he only lost because he had to buy car insurance before playing the game.

Possibly the stupidest excuse I have heard from opponents is that they only lost because they ran short of time, which is obviously their fault anyway, but particularly so, when they turned up 20 minutes late...
"Kevin was the arbiter and was very patient. " Nick Grey

Alex Holowczak
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Alex Holowczak » Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:53 pm

There was someone who came into the office yesterday asking if a player would be defaulted because he collapsed in the bar on the Saturday night and was rushed to hospital. (I don't know what came of it.)

In any case, it obviously wasn't that important - before mentioning it, he had a rant at the arbiters moaning about having had three blacks in a row...

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John Saunders
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Re: Best excuses

Post by John Saunders » Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:01 pm

A well-chosen title for a new thread, Kevin - I'm sure it will soon be replete with superlative examples of chessplayers' excuses. It is a field in which our creativity shows no bounds.

As a long-time match captain, I have heard all manner of amazing excuses for not being available to play. My all-time favourite was "I'm depressed because Audrey Hepburn has just died."

Connoisseurs of chessplayers' excuses should also look at the SCCU 'ragbag' page (http://www.sccu.ndo.co.uk/rag.htm) which has some wonderful examples of this genre.
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Roger de Coverly
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Roger de Coverly » Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:08 pm

There's the wrong type of scoresheet. A well-known player lost on time in an event at Torquay last year. Apparently move 40 wasn't in the right place.

Matt Harrison
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Matt Harrison » Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:09 pm

My son (aged 10 at the time) was violently sick all over the board at a tournament. He wanted to know an hour or so later whether he'd lost the game or not!

Anthony Taglione
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Anthony Taglione » Mon Mar 29, 2010 2:02 pm

I once sat down to a game just minutes after being told that a close friend from University had died from paraquat poisoning. I mentally dedicated the game to him and ripped into my opponent's position as a channel for my anger and frustration.

Excuses are often simply that - excuses.

Geoff Chandler
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Geoff Chandler » Mon Mar 29, 2010 2:38 pm

"Now I can never play you again and beat you."

Said by a player called Morphy (sic) who resigned against me when
he had a 3 move mate on.

I refused the resignation, offered a draw and showed him
his win. The result was logged as a draw.

He stopped playing about 5/6 years later and he never did beat me again.

------

Some school kids were looking at the games of the stronger players in an
Edinburgh Congress years ago.

"They don't play for the Queen mate." said one obviously referring to Scholar's Mate.

His pal replied;

"No they use clocks, they have to make the game last 36 moves."

David Sedgwick
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Re: Best excuses

Post by David Sedgwick » Mon Mar 29, 2010 4:50 pm

Sorry I'm late. I was too busy reading, and posting on, the English Chess Forum.

It's the excuse I'm going to use when I arrive late for my London League match this evening.

Richard Thursby
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Richard Thursby » Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:01 pm

David Sedgwick wrote:Sorry I'm late. I was too busy reading, and posting on, the English Chess Forum.

It's the excuse I'm going to use when I arrive late for my London League match this evening.
If I don't get a bit of a move on, that might be my excuse as well.

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Joey Stewart
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Joey Stewart » Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:04 pm

Those bloody clocks going forward an hour didnt help yesterday - if I remember rightly the 4ncl played during that time last year as well, it probably ruined the games for alot of other people as well, being tired during a game always stunts ones calculating powers.
Lose one queen and it is a disaster, Lose 1000 queens and it is just a statistic.

Scott Freeman
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Scott Freeman » Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:25 pm

Quote
My son (aged 10 at the time) was violently sick all over the board at a tournament. He wanted to know an hour or so later whether he'd lost the game or not!


That's an excellent example to throw up in this topic, it has to be said (apologies to all). I suspect to answer his son's question, would the arbiter have suggested that he put his opponent off by being sick and so defaulted him accordingly? :D

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Tristan Clayton
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Tristan Clayton » Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:35 pm

I once had an opponent who blamed the scoresheet. Apparently the design of the sheet caused him to leave one of the boxes empty by mistake, and he ended up missing the time control by one move. I'll admit that I noticed this several moves earlier, and decided not to say anything...

I also remember an opponent who blamed me for his loss, because I hadn't said 'check'. He had overlooked a discovered check and then proceeded to move his Queen. Ouch.

Arshad Ali
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Arshad Ali » Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:08 pm

Who listens to these asinine excuses anyway? Are the players engaging in soliloquy? The opponent couldn't give a tinker's cuss and will just shrug indifferently: a win's a win. After a defeat, I just scurry away, huddle somewhere alone, whimper, and lick my wounds.

Jonathan Bryant
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Re: Best excuses

Post by Jonathan Bryant » Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:21 pm

I've read of somebody claiming that they'd only lost because their opponent had refused to resign even though the position was quite hopeless. Dunno if it's a true story or not ... but I've met a few people I can imagine saying it.

I, needless to say, only lose when I happen to have been attacked by a swarm of bees on the way to the club house.

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John Saunders
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Re: Best excuses

Post by John Saunders » Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:23 pm

Scoresheets can be a menace, can't they? Whilst playing in the 1997 European Team Championship, the Croatian arbiter came over to my Finnish opponent and started to tell him off for not filling in his scoresheet properly. I leant over and observed that his scoring did seem to be deficient in some way but I played no part in the dispute, sitting back smugly in my seat and letting these 'damn foreigners' get on with their silly squabble (which I could barely follow - I think they may have been speaking German). The Finn kept gesticulating in my direction and pointing at my scoresheet for some unknown reason but I averted my gaze and left them to it. Eventually the arbiter took a look at my scoresheet and seemed to calm down. He then showed me my scoresheet, held alongside that of my opponent. Realisation dawned that it was me who had been filling in my moves wrongly on what was admittedly a non-intuitive scoresheet... only one thing to be done ... to shield my eyes from the indignant glare of my opponent and get on with the game :oops:

Many years ago I was kindly invited by a very good friend of mine to stay with him at his parents' house in order to play in a weekender in his area. When I arrived, and much to my friend's chagrin, his mother insisted that I took over his bedroom for the weekend whilst he was condemned to sleeping on the sofa in the lounge. He vehemently protested at this arrangement as did I (well, I may have whispered "no, really, that is not necessary" at least once) but his mother was adamant and the sleeping arrangements were thus. As luck would have it, we were paired against each other in the tournament and, in the true spirit of friendship, I duly ground him down in about 90 moves. Yes, you guessed it - he blamed his defeat on being ousted from his bedroom and having to spend a sleepless night on the sofa. And he has continued to do so at regular intervals for the past 30+ years. The moral of the story? There is no such thing as a "chess friend".
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