UK Pun day

[Neil Graham]

Today is UK Pun Day

So culled from the Twitter account:-

So I was telling my friend I hate backgammon. And draughts. He said "Hate chess too?" I said, "Don't even get me started on that high-speed rail project."

[Neil Graham]

Or from Tim Vine

So, I ate this chess set. It was horrible. I took it back to the shop. I said, “This is stale, mate.” He said, “Are you sure?” I said, “Check, mate.”

[MSoszynski]

The following misunderstanding has happened more than once...

I really dislike adjournments.
Why? Is it because of the war?

[Harry Duff]

Are non-chess jokes allowed? If so, one of my favourites from Tim Vine:

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees. And then I saw her face.

[Neil Graham]

Are non-chess jokes allowed? If so, one of my favourites from Tim Vine:

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees. And then I saw her face.

I'm sure that the moderators will fling us into the "not chess" section if we start a thread that doesn't include chess related topics. In addition there's no pun in this one from Milton Jones. I was arrested for playing chess in the street. I said "it's because I'm black isn't it?"

[Andrew Walker]

When I was learning chess, I once tried to move my castle first. Bit of a rookie error.

[Geoff Chandler]

"My new girlfriend has a great figure."

"What is it, 36-24-36?"

"No. 2585!"

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Claudius v Hamlet, Denmark 13th century (Black to play)

8/8/8/8/8/kp6/P7/1K6 b - - 0 1

b2 or not b2. That is the question""

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Not pun in the true meaning but a joke.

A recruit is being talked through his survival gear by his sergeant.

‘A knife, rations, map, chess set, compass, flares...’

“Wait a minute,” asks the recruit, “Why do I need a chess set.”

“If you are alone and need help, take out the chess set and play over an ending.
Sooner or later someone will appear to tell you where you are going wrong.”

[John McKenna]

"Sooner or later someone will appear to tell you where you are going wrong." And to give you a dressing-down for wearing *flares* on an exercise.

[Kevin Thurlow]

When I was introduced on my first Countdown appearance, Tom O'Connor in Dictionary Corner picked up that I played chess, and mentioned the chess players in a hotel going on about how good they were until the manager kicked them out as he couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. That's three puns in one.

It was a fairly old joke even then, but TO'C is such a nice guy that I couldn't help but laugh.