The Barnet Conundrum – the World’s worse cheat?

[David Gilbert]

Coming up soon is the 27th Barnet Congress, which takes place at Queen Elizabeth’s Boys school starting on Saturday, 27 March 2011. A good congress – you should give it a try if you can.

Here’s an amazing story from a few years back. Playing with the White pieces and already a blundered pawn down, I had attempted to sacrifice a second pawn in order to set off a darstardly chain of events that would lead me towards an over-whelming winning position. Well at least give me some space!

I stood up, gave the board one last look, then walked the long corridor through the playground, up some steps, to offer some of my wealth (50p) to the nice ladies with the coffee jar, spoon and hot water urn. On the return journey with the position firmly fixed in my head, I realised that the proposed sacrifice was completely flawed. Stupid in fact – another lost pawn for nothing. Oh dear – I was going down!

On returning to the board, to my joy my opponent had rejected my brilliant sacrifice-bluff! Indeed my position actually looked promising. Wasn’t I a pawn down? Apparently not, I was a pawn up! How did that happen? Never mind I play on and win the game.

Going through the moves afterwards, at the point I had gone for coffee, one of the black pawns magically changes to a white pawn! I can only think my opponent had taken my sacrificed pawn then decided he wanted to make another move. In an attempt to reconstruct the position he had not only replaced my pawn, but substituted his own black pawn with one of my white ones.

Speaking later to the players on the two boards adjacent to mine, no one had noticed any disruption or the pieces being knocked-over during my absence. Was this the worse attempted cheat ever? There's usually competition. If not why not try the Barnet congrees at the end of March – you never know your luck!

[Alex Holowczak]

What a great advertisement for a chess congress!

[Sebastian Stone]

What a great advertisement for a chess congress!

As I am going back into the congress world after more than a year long absence I can't say this thread, and ones like it are making me feel any more confident.

[Alex Holowczak]

What a great advertisement for a chess congress!

As I am going back into the congress world after more than a year long absence I can't say this thread, and ones like it are making me feel any more confident.

I'm sure it'll be fine. It's very rare that things like this happen. As long as you're not the subject of one of the stories, then I don't think it's worth worrying about.

[Sebastian Stone]

What a great advertisement for a chess congress!

As I am going back into the congress world after more than a year long absence I can't say this thread, and ones like it are making me feel any more confident.

I'm sure it'll be fine. It's very rare that things like this happen. As long as you're not the subject of one of the stories, then I don't think it's worth worrying about.

Are there any "I played this guy and he was a total muppet, didn't spend any time on his moves and lost in 15 minute?" stories?

[IM Jack Rudd]

Are there any "I played this guy and he was a total muppet, didn't spend any time on his moves and lost in 15 minute?" stories?

Oh, plenty. Tom Weber no doubt has one relating to this chap.

[Richard Thursby]

Coming up soon is the 27th Barnet Congress, which takes place at Queen Elizabeth’s Boys school starting on Saturday, 27 March 2011.

Presumably you mean Saturday 26 March 2011. Hopefully the organisers will remind people that British Summer Time starts on 27 March, otherwise there might be more than a few defaults on the Sunday morning (likewise 4NCL round 8 ).

[Steve Lloyd]

Are there any "I played this guy and he was a total muppet, didn't spend any time on his moves and lost in 15 minute?" stories?

In 1996 I played in the minor section at Crewe. My game went as follows: (I was white) 1. c4 d6 2. d4 Be6 3. e4 Nf6 4. Nc3 Nc6 5. Nf3 Nb8 6. e5 Nfd7 7. Ng5 h6 8. Nxe6 fxe6 9. Qh5+ Black resigns. It could not have lasted more than 20 minutes, probably less.

Unfortunately the person who drove me to the congress was stuck in a long drawn out game in the intermediate. I was basically twiddling my thumbs for 4 hours.

[Richard Thursby]

I was basically twiddling my thumbs for 4 hours.

Bring along a book (for example, War and Peace, Les Misérables or The Lord of the Rings). That way, if your game finishes early you'll have something to occupy your time.

[Alan Kennedy]

Are there any "I played this guy and he was a total muppet, didn't spend any time on his moves and lost in 15 minute?" stories?

In 1996 I played in the minor section at Crewe. My game went as follows: (I was white) 1. c4 d6 2. d4 Be6 3. e4 Nf6 4. Nc3 Nc6 5. Nf3 Nb8 6. e5 Nfd7 7. Ng5 h6 8. Nxe6 fxe6 9. Qh5+ Black resigns. It could not have lasted more than 20 minutes, probably less.

Unfortunately the person who drove me to the congress was stuck in a long drawn out game in the intermediate. I was basically twiddling my thumbs for 4 hours.

surely 5 d5

[Kevin Thurlow]

"surely 5 d5"

I think it was Bronstein who said you should never refute a weak move by your opponent as it was usually the prelude to an even weaker one...

[John Saunders]

In terms of muppetry and the minimum time expended on a game, it would be hard to match the experience of my schoolmate David Stevenson. He had White in a junior county match many moons ago. The organisers were still putting out some of the equipment but he and his opponent had a board and set and decided to start play anyway. The game proceeded briskly: 1 e4 Nh6 2 d4 f6 3 Bxh6 gxh6 4 Qh5 mate. At which point a man arrived at the board offering a clock and was astonished to be told "no thanks, we don't need one, we've finished".

[Gavin Strachan]

I'm sure it'll be fine. It's very rare that things like this happen. As long as you're not the subject of one of the stories, then I don't think it's worth worrying about.

So you haven't heard about the fighting or swearing, shot gun under the table, or takeaway at the table. Congresses are for hardened souls...

[Alex Holowczak]

In terms of muppetry and the minimum time expended on a game, it would be hard to match the experience of my schoolmate David Stevenson. He had White in a junior county match many moons ago. The organisers were still putting out some of the equipment but he and his opponent had a board and set and decided to start play anyway. The game proceeded briskly: 1 e4 Nh6 2 d4 f6 3 Bxh6 gxh6 4 Qh5 mate. At which point a man arrived at the board offering a clock and was astonished to be told "no thanks, we don't need one, we've finished".

We played one school match against a fairly local school. We started the match 10 minutes before the end of school. They arrived and we started. Some of our players were late though (they clearly hadn't got the memo to leave early). One of our players had lost before half of our team arrived, and actually had to return to his lesson to wait for the end of school.

[LozCooper]

Are there any "I played this guy and he was a total muppet, didn't spend any time on his moves and lost in 15 minute?" stories?

Already produced in another thread but seems equally at home here despite me being the muppet :

1 e4 d6 2 d4 Nf6 3 Nc3 g6 4 Nf3 Bg7 5 h3 0-0 6 Be3 d5 7 e5 Ne4 8 Nxe4 dxe4 9 Ng5 c5 10 dxc5 Qc7 11 Bc4 Nc6 12 e6 f5 13 0-0 which was quite a theoretical line many years ago. Then my opponent surprised me with Rf6 (Bxb2 and f4 are two moves that have been played before) and I thought I'd stumbled on a brilliant response with his back rank being undefended and uncorked 14 Qd6??? Even funnier was that I got up from the board feeling really pleased with myself and thinking it was that good a move no one will be believe I've thought of it over the board!

On my return I noticed a lot of smiling and laughter around my board and it gradually dawned on me that after 14...exd6 15 e7+ that he has the rather obvious Be6 and I'm suddenly completely lost. I decided to call it a day at that point rather than struggle on a queen for a rook down. I think the game only lasted about 20 minutes. For the record it was against Aron Cohen at the Warwickshire Open in 1993.