Openers: Rogers and Warner. Can't see any alternative. Apparently, Warner & Watson can't bat together without coming to blows. And Watson isn't an opener anyway. So that rules out pushing Rogers in at 3
No. 3: They'll almost certainly stick with Khawaja. But they need to apply a bit of creativity to the problem. An improvement on Khawaja at No. 3 must surely be a waxwork model of Don Bradman
No. 4: Clarke Here, not at 5. Better still, here and at 5
No. 5: They need someone who'll really get stuck in; someone with plenty of baggage. That rules out Smith. Rules out Hughes too. In fact, rules out pretty much all the batters. My thinking? Call up Gough Whitlam, former Labour PM who was turfed out of office for no good reason by the Queen's plate-polisher, the Oz Governor-General. Gough's been grinding his axe since 1974. Time to let him use it.
No. 6: They tend to go for feeble-minded blondes here - Watson, Smith, Steve Waugh (what???). But my pick, thinking laterally and staying with tradition, is to go with Jason Donovan. And he can turn it both ways!
Stumper: Haddin's had it. Wade is nearly as good, and ten years younger. But neither can do the anti-Pom chirp as well as Sir Les Patterson. Cometh the hour, Sir Les cometh!
Spinner: Australia only has one spinner worth considering. Yes, I know: you're thinking Shane Warne. But you're not thinking creatively. The only bloke who fits the bill, who is sufficiently loathsome, cynical and ruthless, and who can spin it sideways - step forward Lynton Crosby
No. 9: Harris/Siddle/Starc/Bird/Faulkner Any one of these. It doesn't really matter
No. 10: Obvious! Dennis Lillee Yes, I know. But never mind that. Still Dennis Lillee!
No. 11: Skippy the Bush Kangaroo - anything to get a bit of bounce from the Oval these days!
Could make it closer anyway
Certainly couldn't be worse!
, Woakes, Tremlett and Finn in a 14 man squad for The Oval