The Evil Overlord Topic

[Joey Stewart]

I was in the shower earlier and it struck me that chessplayers, being a particularly diabolical and scheming lot, are the prefect material for an evil overlord.

This got me further thinking to the lists of things to remember once you are in power, which seem to crop up around the internet, and I thought that it would be a great idea to bring the subject here and see if anybody has any creative new ideas to help all those aspiring villians once they sieze power.

Here are a few choice examples, to get you in the mood:

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

[Alex Holowczak]

I was in the shower earlier and it struck me that chessplayers, being a particularly diabolical and scheming lot, are the prefect material for an evil overlord.

Best call a plumber in the morning.

[IM Jack Rudd]

Yes, yes, I've read The Evil Overlord list too. Good, but nothing to do with chess.